The thing that has been on my mind the most of late are choices.
We started the new 9-weeks which means that now I'm taking Economics. If any of you have ever studied economics, you'll know that it's all about how our everyday, mundane choices affect the economy.
I'm also in my Senior year of high school, which means I have a lot of decisions to make about College and what my career path will be. Which, by the way, I think I've got that one figured out (subject to change).
In church tonight, the subject of discussion were the two types of Christians. The kind who choose their path and ask God to bless them, or the kind that ask God to lead them on His path.
Which, is another choice.
I've just got all these lists bouncing around in my head.
I have choices that need to be decisions.
I need to be sure.
I need to be sure that the decisions that I make are the right ones. The ones God has picked out for my life. Not the ones that I have picked out and just hope that God decides to bless me.
Just in case any of you were wondering, I've decided that I want to be a lawyer. I've come to realize that injustice is something I am extremely passionate about. Passionate about abolishing it from this country.
I've also decided that I want to go to Ole Miss law school.
I need to pray about it, but I do feel a peace about it.
It literally just donned on me last week that I do truly want to be a lawyer.
It wouldn't be just another job, it would be something that I am truly, truly passionate about.
I realize that I have eight or more years of school ahead of me worth well over 100,000 dollars and endless nights of studying, but I feel like that's not any kind of price to pay if I end up making even the smallest ripple of effect.
I feel a peace about it. Like the events that took place for me to realize this, God set directly in front of me.
I will be an honest and hard working lawyer.
The only problem is that I haven't decided what kind of lawyer to be, Defense, Prosocutor, Corporate...The list goes on and on.
I'll research that.
But please please don't think that I am insane if I come back a week from now and decide to be something completely different.
At this moment, though, I really don't feel like I will decide differently.
God could change all of this in a split second though.
Thanks for listening to my rambling ons.
Be back soon!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I Think She's An Angel
I don't want to be one of those people who takes for granted the things they have while they have them.
I don't want to just look back after someone is gone and wish that I had spent more time with them or treated them better.
So, I'm dedicating this post to my Mother.
My dear, kind mother.
It's unreal what this woman can do.
I know that a lot of people grow up thinking that their mother is some sort of superhero.. but I choose to think of mine as more of an angel.
A light skinned, gray-haired angel.
She has a voice that sounds like heaven on earth. When she sings, people get chills. But she's humble. When she gets complemented she gives all the credit to God.
And not only is her singing voice perfection, but when she talks.. it's the most comforting sound I've ever heard.
Her voice is also her biggest tell. I can tell when she's sad, mad, happy, hesitant, or tired by just her voice.
She also knows nearly everyone's telephone number in the small city in which we live.
My mother is one of those people who just radiates grace and poise. She's classy and elegant
You would never want to see her suffer a day in her life.
But she's constantly burdened with the stress of bills she has yet to pay, and money we don't have to pay them with.
It breaks my heart to see her burdened when there's nothing I can do.
Her faith in God is unswerving.
It's amazing.
Just last night she made me pray, even when I thought it wouldn't work.
She reminds me that prayer always works. God always has something in store.
When one of her children is hurting, just know that she is hurting ten times worse because she wishes more than anything that she could take that pain away.
I know that my mother is not perfect.
I have seen her get angry and upset.
I could probably count on one hand all the curse words i've heard her say.
I honestly don't know what I'd do without her.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't call her to get a piece of her unmatched wisdom.
I think I would crawl into a hole and not come out.
Half the world would be lost without her.
I do believe that if every mother was like mine, this would be a perfect generation.
I can't say that I know everything she does for me. I know there is so much she doesn't show me, and one day, perhaps when I'm a mother, I'll understand why. With that said, although I don't know every thing she does for me, I appreciate it more than a lot of people can comprehend.
Just thinking about her not being around someday leaves a big gaping hole in my heart.
I see the way she misses her own mother. The one who taught her to be such an angel. I see it in her eyes, and the slight quiver of her lips when she mentions her, or when she's brought up in casual conversation.
This might be selfish to say, but I never want to have to miss my mother like that.
I want her in my life for as long as I live.
I love you Mom. So much.
I hope one day I can be half the woman you are.
It'll be two times better than I ever thought I'd be..
I don't want to just look back after someone is gone and wish that I had spent more time with them or treated them better.
So, I'm dedicating this post to my Mother.
My dear, kind mother.
It's unreal what this woman can do.
I know that a lot of people grow up thinking that their mother is some sort of superhero.. but I choose to think of mine as more of an angel.
A light skinned, gray-haired angel.
She has a voice that sounds like heaven on earth. When she sings, people get chills. But she's humble. When she gets complemented she gives all the credit to God.
And not only is her singing voice perfection, but when she talks.. it's the most comforting sound I've ever heard.
Her voice is also her biggest tell. I can tell when she's sad, mad, happy, hesitant, or tired by just her voice.
She also knows nearly everyone's telephone number in the small city in which we live.
My mother is one of those people who just radiates grace and poise. She's classy and elegant
You would never want to see her suffer a day in her life.
But she's constantly burdened with the stress of bills she has yet to pay, and money we don't have to pay them with.
It breaks my heart to see her burdened when there's nothing I can do.
Her faith in God is unswerving.
It's amazing.
Just last night she made me pray, even when I thought it wouldn't work.
She reminds me that prayer always works. God always has something in store.
When one of her children is hurting, just know that she is hurting ten times worse because she wishes more than anything that she could take that pain away.
I know that my mother is not perfect.
I have seen her get angry and upset.
I could probably count on one hand all the curse words i've heard her say.
I honestly don't know what I'd do without her.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't call her to get a piece of her unmatched wisdom.
I think I would crawl into a hole and not come out.
Half the world would be lost without her.
I do believe that if every mother was like mine, this would be a perfect generation.
I can't say that I know everything she does for me. I know there is so much she doesn't show me, and one day, perhaps when I'm a mother, I'll understand why. With that said, although I don't know every thing she does for me, I appreciate it more than a lot of people can comprehend.
Just thinking about her not being around someday leaves a big gaping hole in my heart.
I see the way she misses her own mother. The one who taught her to be such an angel. I see it in her eyes, and the slight quiver of her lips when she mentions her, or when she's brought up in casual conversation.
This might be selfish to say, but I never want to have to miss my mother like that.
I want her in my life for as long as I live.
I love you Mom. So much.
I hope one day I can be half the woman you are.
It'll be two times better than I ever thought I'd be..
Monday, August 29, 2011
Make Momma Proud
Sometimes I have random thoughts.
Realizations, if you will.
I was driving down the road and burst out laughing.
I was envisioning my group of friends, my generation as grown-ass adults.
As parents.
It was so funny.
I think we'll be the funniest generation of parents yet.
Like we're the result of the previous generation that grew up in the 60's and 70's.
They're all protective and "everyone wins" parents, you know?
But my generation?
I'm not so sure.
It's a bunch of self-absorbed asshole parents competing with their children.
Cause that's what we are.
We feel entitled to things we don't deserve.
Everyone is a "winner" even if you're a loser.
And that's the problem.
None of us have been told no.
Because our parents were told no and they didn't get to do all the things we do. They didn't have the opportunities we do.
So, in turn, they think they'll make up for that by letting us do everything we "set our mind to".
Which is anything and everything under this blazing sun.
I'm just curious how my generation is gonna grow up.
Are we still going to be the Self-Entitled, Lazy, Selfish, "Winners"?
Or will we go out and grab something for ourselves?
...We shall see.
Realizations, if you will.
I was driving down the road and burst out laughing.
I was envisioning my group of friends, my generation as grown-ass adults.
As parents.
It was so funny.
I think we'll be the funniest generation of parents yet.
Like we're the result of the previous generation that grew up in the 60's and 70's.
They're all protective and "everyone wins" parents, you know?
But my generation?
I'm not so sure.
It's a bunch of self-absorbed asshole parents competing with their children.
Cause that's what we are.
We feel entitled to things we don't deserve.
Everyone is a "winner" even if you're a loser.
And that's the problem.
None of us have been told no.
Because our parents were told no and they didn't get to do all the things we do. They didn't have the opportunities we do.
So, in turn, they think they'll make up for that by letting us do everything we "set our mind to".
Which is anything and everything under this blazing sun.
I'm just curious how my generation is gonna grow up.
Are we still going to be the Self-Entitled, Lazy, Selfish, "Winners"?
Or will we go out and grab something for ourselves?
...We shall see.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
It's all in a summer's time
To do list for the rest of the summer:
I'll be sure to keep my faithfuls updated.
BTW, I'm so thankful for those of you who actually take the time to read this mess.
It's so very appreciated.
- Get super cute outfits for Senior Portraits
- Take fantastic Senior Portraits
- Get my second and third ear hole pierced
- Also the cartilage on one ear
- Get my hair died blonde
- Lose 15 pounds
- Exercise more
- Eat healthier
- Have an awesome, stressfree weekend in Alabama
- Have an awesome, stressfree week in Destin
- Be good for senior week
- Eat as much sushi as humanly possible!
I'll be sure to keep my faithfuls updated.
BTW, I'm so thankful for those of you who actually take the time to read this mess.
It's so very appreciated.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Here goes another list:
1. I'm currently listening to California King Bed by Rhianna.
3. I was going to a Taylor Swift concert in Atlanta on Sunday, but it got cancelled because she got bronchitis. :( Get better Taylor!
4. I'm making myself be completely honest with everyone about my feelings, including myself.
5. I will be a senior this year.
6. I miss God, even though He didn't go anywhere. It was me.
7. I've decided to not let anyone take advantage of me.
8. I'm choosing to love myself instead of pointing out all the negative.
9. I get myself into the stickiest messes I've ever seen.
10. Somehow, I always get out though. No thanks to me.
11. I wish on 11:11.
12. Taylor Swift makes any mood of mine feel better.
13. I'd be mortifyed if anyone that I knew ever saw my blog.
14. The things I write are the things I wish I could speak all the time.
15. Taylor Swift's album "Speak Now" has empowered me. To not let the moment pass without me saying what needs to be said.
16. Sometimes I dance around in my underwear. And sing. Loudly.
17. I believe that it's dangerous to keep stuff locked inside. So I don't.
18. I don't believe in Prince Charming. Because I don't want a perfect guy. I want one who I can love regardless of his past, and because of his past, can understand mine.
19. I daydream regularly.
20. I use really big words in everyday conversation and people look at me blankly.
21. I love Chelsea Lately.
22. I looked in the mirror last night and was actually pleased with what I saw. Not in a Vain way, but in a healthy self-loving way.
23. I want to live in New York very badly.
24. I need to exercise way more than I do.
25. I'm happiest when I'm wearing a huge tshirt and some variation of workout shorts with flip flops.
26. I do think dreams come true.
27. I get very emotional sometimes.
28. I'm realizing this list is forever long.
29. I'm apologizing.
30. This is the last one :)
This is a list of most of the things that have captivated my thoughts for the past week.
It feels good to see them in black and white.
(Errr, Ombre purple and white)
Instead of the mumble and jumble that is my mind.
If anyone out there cares, do me a favor and look up the song "Innocent" by Taylor Swift.
I know that's me.
Every word of it.
...And yes. I am aware that number 2 is missing.
ohh well :)
It was enchanting sharing this with those of you who read.
Let me know what you think.
1. I'm currently listening to California King Bed by Rhianna.
3. I was going to a Taylor Swift concert in Atlanta on Sunday, but it got cancelled because she got bronchitis. :( Get better Taylor!
4. I'm making myself be completely honest with everyone about my feelings, including myself.
5. I will be a senior this year.
6. I miss God, even though He didn't go anywhere. It was me.
7. I've decided to not let anyone take advantage of me.
8. I'm choosing to love myself instead of pointing out all the negative.
9. I get myself into the stickiest messes I've ever seen.
10. Somehow, I always get out though. No thanks to me.
11. I wish on 11:11.
12. Taylor Swift makes any mood of mine feel better.
13. I'd be mortifyed if anyone that I knew ever saw my blog.
14. The things I write are the things I wish I could speak all the time.
15. Taylor Swift's album "Speak Now" has empowered me. To not let the moment pass without me saying what needs to be said.
16. Sometimes I dance around in my underwear. And sing. Loudly.
17. I believe that it's dangerous to keep stuff locked inside. So I don't.
18. I don't believe in Prince Charming. Because I don't want a perfect guy. I want one who I can love regardless of his past, and because of his past, can understand mine.
19. I daydream regularly.
20. I use really big words in everyday conversation and people look at me blankly.
21. I love Chelsea Lately.
22. I looked in the mirror last night and was actually pleased with what I saw. Not in a Vain way, but in a healthy self-loving way.
23. I want to live in New York very badly.
24. I need to exercise way more than I do.
25. I'm happiest when I'm wearing a huge tshirt and some variation of workout shorts with flip flops.
26. I do think dreams come true.
27. I get very emotional sometimes.
28. I'm realizing this list is forever long.
29. I'm apologizing.
30. This is the last one :)
This is a list of most of the things that have captivated my thoughts for the past week.
It feels good to see them in black and white.
(Errr, Ombre purple and white)
Instead of the mumble and jumble that is my mind.
If anyone out there cares, do me a favor and look up the song "Innocent" by Taylor Swift.
I know that's me.
Every word of it.
...And yes. I am aware that number 2 is missing.
ohh well :)
It was enchanting sharing this with those of you who read.
Let me know what you think.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Some mad hope,, or something like that.
I've always given more of myself than I've really ever been able to.
I've never felt like it was enough to offer just myself and leave it at that.
So, I'm on a quest.
To be my absolute best.
by myself.
Nothing added,
Nothing taken away.
I think the reason why I've always done this,
is because I have this perfect best friend.
Guys are in love with her before they ever even acknowledge my existence.
I've never felt pretty enough.
Or funny enough.
or thin enough.
My feet have always been too big.
and my hair never just right.
I've always just been the smart, goofy, lopey girl.
And I don't know if this is how others see me.
And most the time I try to put on a confident front
like nothing shakes me.
But every little jab that someone makes
cuts a little deeper.
And I know they may be just kidding.
But in my mind there's truth behind every "just kidding".
And a lie behind every "I'm fine".
I just want to find the one person
who looks at me first
and thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.
Someone who can make me laugh at my imperfections.
But, like I said, I'm on a quest to be the best me.
So, in the meanwhile, I guess I'll have to do that on my own.
Learn to laugh at the things that make me want to cry.
Or put a paper bag over my head.
I have to stand tall, with my chin up.
I have to remember that I'm only a teenager
and one day,
I'm gonna look back and maybe laugh, maybe not,
at the way I feel at this point.
But I know I'll remember this feeling when I'm older,
and I see a tall teenage girl
who's laughing and having fun with her friends.
Because behind that laugh might be the way I feel.
But regardless of how I'll perceive this when I'm older,
I can guarantee it'll just be rememberance,
because the way I feel will pass.
Won't it?
I've never felt like it was enough to offer just myself and leave it at that.
So, I'm on a quest.
To be my absolute best.
by myself.
Nothing added,
Nothing taken away.
I think the reason why I've always done this,
is because I have this perfect best friend.
Guys are in love with her before they ever even acknowledge my existence.
I've never felt pretty enough.
Or funny enough.
or thin enough.
My feet have always been too big.
and my hair never just right.
I've always just been the smart, goofy, lopey girl.
And I don't know if this is how others see me.
And most the time I try to put on a confident front
like nothing shakes me.
But every little jab that someone makes
cuts a little deeper.
And I know they may be just kidding.
But in my mind there's truth behind every "just kidding".
And a lie behind every "I'm fine".
I just want to find the one person
who looks at me first
and thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.
Someone who can make me laugh at my imperfections.
But, like I said, I'm on a quest to be the best me.
So, in the meanwhile, I guess I'll have to do that on my own.
Learn to laugh at the things that make me want to cry.
Or put a paper bag over my head.
I have to stand tall, with my chin up.
I have to remember that I'm only a teenager
and one day,
I'm gonna look back and maybe laugh, maybe not,
at the way I feel at this point.
But I know I'll remember this feeling when I'm older,
and I see a tall teenage girl
who's laughing and having fun with her friends.
Because behind that laugh might be the way I feel.
But regardless of how I'll perceive this when I'm older,
I can guarantee it'll just be rememberance,
because the way I feel will pass.
Won't it?
Monday, June 27, 2011
If at first you don't succeed.. maybe it wasn't meant to be?
Have you ever wanted something so bad
that you fought,
through blood and tears,
through rain and shine
to get it?
And no matter what kind of effort was poured in,
the outcome never went the way that was planned,
or hoped for,
or prayed for.
I have.
I wondered for so long,
and fought with myself
about if I had worked harder.
Tried one more time..
Maybe it would have worked out.
But it wouldn't have.
And somewhere down the road, i understood why it didn't work out.
and I breathe a sigh of relief that things didn't go my way.
Because there was something better down the road.
Something I could never have planned.
Things have a way of working out that way.
I was reminded of this the other day.
And I had the stongest urge to call what I once hoped for.
I imagined the conversation going a little something like this (its a monologue):
"HI, remember me? Thought so. How's life? OH, not so good? Okay. Mine's great. No, It didn't go how I planned, but since when does anything go that way? Because if it had, I would have missed out on now. The most important part of the future. I know you wish that I was still over here pining for what could have been, but truth be told, I haven't though about you in quite a while. I don't miss you. Nice talk. Byeee."
If only, if only.
I love moments like those.
Those times all you can say is, "Ohhh".
Because you realize something that was so confusing at one point.
It's a good moment.
:)
that you fought,
through blood and tears,
through rain and shine
to get it?
And no matter what kind of effort was poured in,
the outcome never went the way that was planned,
or hoped for,
or prayed for.
I have.
I wondered for so long,
and fought with myself
about if I had worked harder.
Tried one more time..
Maybe it would have worked out.
But it wouldn't have.
And somewhere down the road, i understood why it didn't work out.
and I breathe a sigh of relief that things didn't go my way.
Because there was something better down the road.
Something I could never have planned.
Things have a way of working out that way.
I was reminded of this the other day.
And I had the stongest urge to call what I once hoped for.
I imagined the conversation going a little something like this (its a monologue):
"HI, remember me? Thought so. How's life? OH, not so good? Okay. Mine's great. No, It didn't go how I planned, but since when does anything go that way? Because if it had, I would have missed out on now. The most important part of the future. I know you wish that I was still over here pining for what could have been, but truth be told, I haven't though about you in quite a while. I don't miss you. Nice talk. Byeee."
If only, if only.
I love moments like those.
Those times all you can say is, "Ohhh".
Because you realize something that was so confusing at one point.
It's a good moment.
:)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
This Crazy Thing Called Life
Has so much ever happened to you in such a short period of time that it feels like you're floating through a dream?
Yeah? Well me too.
I need to get all these thoughts out of my head because they're threatening to kill me.
Here goes:
It all started last week, on Monday, which was also my birthday, June 6.
My lovely friends put together a surprise dinner for me. They're great.
Then after, we just wanted to do what kids do, so we decided to break in to the country club.
People had beer, we were just sitting around talking.
I made the decision to not drink that night, I just didn't feel right about it.
One of the guys that I like came.. and it was just a good night.
Until one of the guys that was there got on his motorcycle after having a few too many beers.
One of my other friends got into his car and they were going to race.
I told him before he ever left that he didn't need to drive..
He insisted he was fine.
I should have taken his keys..
They left and from the pool I could hear how fast he was going.
I heard him switch gears.
And then I heard the loudest sound I've ever heard in my life.
It's still ringing through my ears..
I've never ran so fast in my life.
The guy I like got in his truck, along with me and two others (who hadn't been drinking, by the way)
and floored it down the road.
We got there and his bike was shredded about 50 yards down the road.
I thought for sure he would be dead.
But he was sitting in the other guy's car while the others went to check out the bike.
I went over to talk to him, to slap him, to yell at him.
I couldn't do any of that.
All I could manage was to choke out sobs about how I shouldn't have let him leave and he could have died.
I couldn't breathe.
I was so scared.
The entire right side of his body was just meat and blood.
Thankfully, he didn't hit is head or break anything.
I know that if he had landed differently he would surely be dead.
I later learned he crashed going 120mph,
God was watching over him.
As if that isn't bad enough..
The next day, I was laying out at the same pool we had broken into the night before with some friends, and I got the weirdest phone call of my life.
My dad called to say he had bad news. He told me not to react so people wouldn't be suspicious. He told me to just listen.
He proceeded to tell me that my sister was pregnant.
My 19-year-old unwedded sister was pregnant.
All I could manage to do was get up and go to the bathroom.
He seemed pretty calm about it. He was heartbroken. He was dissapointed. But calm.
I ended the phone call and walked back outside.
Immediately when my three friends saw me, they rushed to me.
I took them back to the bathroom, checked that it was empty.
Blake said, "Anna, you look like you're about to throw up."
I said, "I think I might pass out."
Whitney stood by me with her arm around my waist to help me stand.
I broke down sobbing uncontrollable tears as they stood there looking scared.
I choked out the words, "Emily's pregnant."
and I immediately felt all three of their hands on me. Hugging me.
They all looked as dumbfounded as I felt.
I still can't believe it.
But I'm gonna be an Aunt.
Aunty Ann.
Kinda catchy.
And now I feel a little heartbroken.
Only because the guy that I like so much has a girlfriend.
I know...
Typical.
He's falling for me.
Because we're perfect for eachother.
And he's unhappy in his relationship.
And I KNOW that's no excuse. At all.
We make eachother happy.
I can tell him anything.
I just wish he would make a decision.
But I know things aren't always as they appear.
It's easier to say than do.
So I think I'm going to tell him that I like him, he makes me laugh, he gives me butterflies,
but I'm not gonna sit around and wait while he's sitting idle with his girlfriend.
I'm gonna look for other people.
Because believe it or not, I'm not a homewrecker.
Whew.. wish me luck.
This won't be easy.
I'm sorry for the long post.
For those of you who stayed around till the end, Thank you Thank you for listening. Or enduring. Whatever.
And I know there are many of you out there that can empathize with me.
Also, sorry for the extended absence.
Love you all.
Yeah? Well me too.
I need to get all these thoughts out of my head because they're threatening to kill me.
Here goes:
It all started last week, on Monday, which was also my birthday, June 6.
My lovely friends put together a surprise dinner for me. They're great.
Then after, we just wanted to do what kids do, so we decided to break in to the country club.
People had beer, we were just sitting around talking.
I made the decision to not drink that night, I just didn't feel right about it.
One of the guys that I like came.. and it was just a good night.
Until one of the guys that was there got on his motorcycle after having a few too many beers.
One of my other friends got into his car and they were going to race.
I told him before he ever left that he didn't need to drive..
He insisted he was fine.
I should have taken his keys..
They left and from the pool I could hear how fast he was going.
I heard him switch gears.
And then I heard the loudest sound I've ever heard in my life.
It's still ringing through my ears..
I've never ran so fast in my life.
The guy I like got in his truck, along with me and two others (who hadn't been drinking, by the way)
and floored it down the road.
We got there and his bike was shredded about 50 yards down the road.
I thought for sure he would be dead.
But he was sitting in the other guy's car while the others went to check out the bike.
I went over to talk to him, to slap him, to yell at him.
I couldn't do any of that.
All I could manage was to choke out sobs about how I shouldn't have let him leave and he could have died.
I couldn't breathe.
I was so scared.
The entire right side of his body was just meat and blood.
Thankfully, he didn't hit is head or break anything.
I know that if he had landed differently he would surely be dead.
I later learned he crashed going 120mph,
God was watching over him.
As if that isn't bad enough..
The next day, I was laying out at the same pool we had broken into the night before with some friends, and I got the weirdest phone call of my life.
My dad called to say he had bad news. He told me not to react so people wouldn't be suspicious. He told me to just listen.
He proceeded to tell me that my sister was pregnant.
My 19-year-old unwedded sister was pregnant.
All I could manage to do was get up and go to the bathroom.
He seemed pretty calm about it. He was heartbroken. He was dissapointed. But calm.
I ended the phone call and walked back outside.
Immediately when my three friends saw me, they rushed to me.
I took them back to the bathroom, checked that it was empty.
Blake said, "Anna, you look like you're about to throw up."
I said, "I think I might pass out."
Whitney stood by me with her arm around my waist to help me stand.
I broke down sobbing uncontrollable tears as they stood there looking scared.
I choked out the words, "Emily's pregnant."
and I immediately felt all three of their hands on me. Hugging me.
They all looked as dumbfounded as I felt.
I still can't believe it.
But I'm gonna be an Aunt.
Aunty Ann.
Kinda catchy.
And now I feel a little heartbroken.
Only because the guy that I like so much has a girlfriend.
I know...
Typical.
He's falling for me.
Because we're perfect for eachother.
And he's unhappy in his relationship.
And I KNOW that's no excuse. At all.
We make eachother happy.
I can tell him anything.
I just wish he would make a decision.
But I know things aren't always as they appear.
It's easier to say than do.
So I think I'm going to tell him that I like him, he makes me laugh, he gives me butterflies,
but I'm not gonna sit around and wait while he's sitting idle with his girlfriend.
I'm gonna look for other people.
Because believe it or not, I'm not a homewrecker.
Whew.. wish me luck.
This won't be easy.
I'm sorry for the long post.
For those of you who stayed around till the end, Thank you Thank you for listening. Or enduring. Whatever.
And I know there are many of you out there that can empathize with me.
Also, sorry for the extended absence.
Love you all.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
My name is Anna..
Facts about me:
1. I like instrumentals. It's what puts me to sleep every night.
2. Every time I bake, I burn something. Including icing.
3. When things are going wrong, I run. Literally.
4. Sade is my go to "chill" music.
5. I deleted facebook.
6. I love my mother.
7. I make lists for everything.
8. I wish on 11:11 knowing it'll never come true.
9. I'm the youngest.
10. I'm a perpetually happy person.
11. I'm forgiven.
12. I'm a dancer.
13. This is my favorite number.
14. I want to save the world, or at least my slice of it.
15. I look up to my big brother.
16. My socks never match.
17. I want to marry rich.
18. Because I love to shop :)
19. My favorite color is purple.
20. I want a pet pig.
This is a random list of random facts about me.
p.s. Sorry for not blogging.
I'm here,
Thanks for reading.
Nice to meet you :)
1. I like instrumentals. It's what puts me to sleep every night.
2. Every time I bake, I burn something. Including icing.
3. When things are going wrong, I run. Literally.
4. Sade is my go to "chill" music.
6. I love my mother.
7. I make lists for everything.
8. I wish on 11:11 knowing it'll never come true.
9. I'm the youngest.
10. I'm a perpetually happy person.
11. I'm forgiven.
12. I'm a dancer.
13. This is my favorite number.
14. I want to save the world, or at least my slice of it.
15. I look up to my big brother.
16. My socks never match.
17. I want to marry rich.
18. Because I love to shop :)
19. My favorite color is purple.
20. I want a pet pig.
This is a random list of random facts about me.
p.s. Sorry for not blogging.
I'm here,
Thanks for reading.
Nice to meet you :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Not Worth It.
I don't know what I'm about to say..
I just need to say something.
I need to say anything to get my mind off of this.
I don't know who I am.
I know who I was.
I know who I should be.
And who I want to be.
But who I AM?
No idea.
I feel lost.
Not alone.
But lost.
There are so many things bouncin' around in my head right now.
So many options, answers, scalding memories, red-hot flashbacks.
I don't like it.
I want to be me again.
I'm here somewhere, right?
I have to be.
I'm ranting and not making any sort of sense.
For that I am sorry.
You don't even have to read this, really.
It's probably not worth the five minutes it took me to write it.
I need honesty.
Stability.
Me.
I need You.
But somewhere along the way, I lost You too.
I'm sorry.
I miss You more than I miss me.
Because without You, there is no me.
Without You, there is no meaning.
Bring me back to that familiar place of forgiveness and grace.
I can't do this myself.
I just need to say something.
I need to say anything to get my mind off of this.
I don't know who I am.
I know who I was.
I know who I should be.
And who I want to be.
But who I AM?
No idea.
I feel lost.
Not alone.
But lost.
There are so many things bouncin' around in my head right now.
So many options, answers, scalding memories, red-hot flashbacks.
I don't like it.
I want to be me again.
I'm here somewhere, right?
I have to be.
I'm ranting and not making any sort of sense.
For that I am sorry.
You don't even have to read this, really.
It's probably not worth the five minutes it took me to write it.
I need honesty.
Stability.
Me.
I need You.
But somewhere along the way, I lost You too.
I'm sorry.
I miss You more than I miss me.
Because without You, there is no me.
Without You, there is no meaning.
Bring me back to that familiar place of forgiveness and grace.
I can't do this myself.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
When I'm good, I'm good..But when I'm bad I'm better
I haven't had much time to be inspired lately.
Between school and dance, and friends, and the weekend?
NO time at all.
Someone once said; it's the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have the time..
NOT that I'm a bad girl..
but that quote is soo true..
I can't be that bad if I have time to blog twice a month, right?
I'm a highschooler. With highschool friends. And college friends.
I have a little rebellious streak in me..
And you wanna know what else?
I'm having the time of my life!
That's what being young is for, right?
Doing things that you'd NEVER tell your kids about.
..and beat their ass if you knew what they were up to.
I love friends.
I love weekends.
I hate school.
I'll stop someday. It'll get old. I know it will.
But right now?
..nahhh.
"I'm having the time of my life figuring out this next move."
-John Mayer.
I'm still the same person, though.
Underneath all this nonsense.
It just feels good to let go a little bit, you know?
I've been this one person for my whole life, the good child.
The one who saw my brother and sister mess up and got the grief for it.
..and now, I just want to not think for a little while.
But don't worry! I'm still making wise choices!
All this foolishness hasn't messed up my judgement.
Thanks for listening!
Tell me about your rebellious days! and how you ever made it through them?
Love you all!
Between school and dance, and friends, and the weekend?
NO time at all.
Someone once said; it's the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have the time..
NOT that I'm a bad girl..
but that quote is soo true..
I can't be that bad if I have time to blog twice a month, right?
I'm a highschooler. With highschool friends. And college friends.
I have a little rebellious streak in me..
And you wanna know what else?
I'm having the time of my life!
That's what being young is for, right?
Doing things that you'd NEVER tell your kids about.
..and beat their ass if you knew what they were up to.
I love friends.
I love weekends.
I hate school.
I'll stop someday. It'll get old. I know it will.
But right now?
..nahhh.
"I'm having the time of my life figuring out this next move."
-John Mayer.
I'm still the same person, though.
Underneath all this nonsense.
It just feels good to let go a little bit, you know?
I've been this one person for my whole life, the good child.
The one who saw my brother and sister mess up and got the grief for it.
..and now, I just want to not think for a little while.
But don't worry! I'm still making wise choices!
All this foolishness hasn't messed up my judgement.
Thanks for listening!
Tell me about your rebellious days! and how you ever made it through them?
Love you all!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Hide it under a bushel..NO
Where's my soapbox? I'm about to get on it.
Perfection.
We've all heard the saying that "no one is perfect"
Which I'm here to say is true.
I'll be the first to say that.
I won't deny the worst thing you have to say about me.
No one person, is perfect. Especially in actions.
We mess up and we fall down. Sometimes we jump.. on purpose.. because it's fun.
Yes.
But what really bothers me is when someone thinks that they aren't worth something.
When they throw themselves away because they aren't good enough.
Nobody is perfect.
But I'm here to say that God doesn't make junk. You ARE the World's Greatest.
We were fearfully and wonderfully made.
He knows the number of HAIRS on our head.
I'm just wondering why anyone would want to know that about someone who didn't matter.
You're right. They wouldn't. YOU matter.
We all make mistakes, but there is forgiveness.
It's not over.
Bad decison? That's alright
Welcome to my silly life.
Pretty Pretty please don't you ever feel like your less than perfect.
I think every single one of us have a light that needs to be shown.
We all have something inspirational to contribute to this planet earth.
Hide it under a bushel..NO!
I'm gonna let it shine!
Inspiration:
Katy Perry- Firework
Claudetter Miller-10th grade english teacher.
P!NK- Perfect
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Oh, the things I've learned!
Sometimes, I get in a slump.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
I learned that from Dr. Seuss.
I have learned a whole lot from that man.
Some of my greatest life lessons.
Like who I am. I am me, that is truer than true.
Where my brains and feet are.
"you have brains in your head. you have feet in your shoes"
To have your eggs and ham green is the only good way to eat breakfast.
No matter how small, a person is a person.
I will succeed! Its 98 3/4% guaranteed.
We have to speak for the things that can't speak for themselves.
"I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues."
Mean what you say, and say what you mean.
When I'm feeling down or confused,
Sometimes I pick up a Dr. Suess book.
It's so simple, children understand it.
Yet, there is knowledge in there to take me through life.
My favorite of the moment is Oh, The Places You'll Go!
I feel like since I'm about to be on my way,
I'll be on my way. I'll be the one to decide where to go.
I'll need this advice to help get me through some of the hard times.
I want to move mountains.
This book has a 98 3/4% success rate.
That's pretty darn high.
It tells me that there will be times when I'm on top of the world,
and I'll soar far and above everyone else.
Then it tells me that there will be days and times that I'm at the very bottom.
I'll be scared and have no hope or direction.
It also tells me to hold on, because I'll get to the place I'm looking for.
I'll make it alright.
I will move mountains.
Thank you Dr. Seuss.
You have inspired many.
Mostly me.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
I learned that from Dr. Seuss.
I have learned a whole lot from that man.
Some of my greatest life lessons.
Like who I am. I am me, that is truer than true.
Where my brains and feet are.
"you have brains in your head. you have feet in your shoes"
To have your eggs and ham green is the only good way to eat breakfast.
No matter how small, a person is a person.
I will succeed! Its 98 3/4% guaranteed.
We have to speak for the things that can't speak for themselves.
"I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues."
Mean what you say, and say what you mean.
When I'm feeling down or confused,
Sometimes I pick up a Dr. Suess book.
It's so simple, children understand it.
Yet, there is knowledge in there to take me through life.
My favorite of the moment is Oh, The Places You'll Go!
I feel like since I'm about to be on my way,
I'll be on my way. I'll be the one to decide where to go.
I'll need this advice to help get me through some of the hard times.
I want to move mountains.
This book has a 98 3/4% success rate.
That's pretty darn high.
It tells me that there will be times when I'm on top of the world,
and I'll soar far and above everyone else.
Then it tells me that there will be days and times that I'm at the very bottom.
I'll be scared and have no hope or direction.
It also tells me to hold on, because I'll get to the place I'm looking for.
I'll make it alright.
I will move mountains.
Thank you Dr. Seuss.
You have inspired many.
Mostly me.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I swim for brighter days despite the absence of sun.
For thanksgiving this year, my family and I traveled over to Houston, Texas to visit my uncle and his family. They are sailors and decided that they wanted us to experience sailing. So, in 30 degree weather, 13 of us trekked down to the nearest body of water, hopped on a boat and went sailing.
It was a great experience.
Today, though, my dad told me some frightening news.
This hasn't been the best year for our family. There have been a lot of ups and downs, but mostly downs.
I'll just start from the beginning:
In September, everything was going great. I was a normal teenager with normal teenager problems. I pestered my parents for a car, I wanted new clothes, I hung out with my friends.
One particularly boring afternoon, I came home from school and was pilfering through the kitchen for a snack when my dad told me news that made me stop dead in my tracks.
He lost his job.
I think I was in shock. I can't really remember.
While I knew that this wasn't the worst thing that could happen, I knew that with the economy, this was very bad.
He told me first, then my mom.
She sat on the couch, motionless, and stared at the wall for hours. I lost track of time.
I didn't know how to react, really. I was trying to keep a positive attitude. I was thinking that now was his opportunity to make more money.
I am so naive sometimes.
This wouldn't be so bad if this hadn't happened seven years ago. Seven years ago, he also lost his job. Seven years ago is when we moved from where I grew up to here. Seven years ago, my whole life changed.
I couldn't believe that only thing tying us to here was gone. I had no clue what to expect.
I didn't want my whole life to change again. I'm about to be a senior. Do you know how difficult that would be to move at this age?
There was talk of selling the house. Downsizing.
We were blessed that it never came to that point.
We went through three months of relentless and empty job searches.
I was keeping hope, though. I kept faith that God would pull through.
Then, the night of the beauty review, he called me downstairs and with tears in his eyes told me that he got offered a good job.
I cried. I thanked God. I cried some more.
I was so relieved.
He would be taking a major pay cut, but we all expected that.
He got this job right before thanksgiving. We all felt like we had the most to give thanks for.
As our whole family gathered around the makeshift dinner table, we took turns reading a prayer about all we are thankful for. When it came time for my dad to read, it said, "I am thankful for a job that provides."
Here came the tears again.
It was just one of those funny little things that God does to remind us of what He has given us. What He brought us through.
I was so thankful that thanksgiving. I am thankful today of what God continues to bless us with.
While we are so thankful that he got a job, the times are still hard.
The news I got today was that we probably will be selling our house.
I don't know why my dad decided to share this with me, but he also said that if sales don't pick up, He'd be out of another job here soon.
That scares the crap out of me.
I wish that I could be famous and make a lot of money. I would give it all to them so they wouldn't have to worry about a thing.
They could put the three of us kids through college with ease and we could live the good life.
I would never miss that money.
This is a part of life, I guess. Learning to roll with the punches.
Sometimes, though, I feel like Evander Hollyfield and Mike Tyson is just not letting up, man.
Give me a break.
The reason for the tidbit about sailing at the beginning of this was because I can easily compare sailing to life.
You have to start out slow, then you can build and go faster, stronger.
Then, all of sudden you hear the worst noise and realize that the darn boat is stuck.
It literally won't move. You have to lean, and turn, and lean, and turn to get that sucker out.
It takes a lot of patience.
Then, it comes out, but you have to go slow becuase you don't want to get stuck again.
When you're in the clear, open water, you realize you can run.
When you run, it's like you're going faster than the world is spinning.
You're flying through the water effortlessly.
But of course it doesn't last forever.
You slow down because you can see something in the distance.
You can't turn around because that's where you got stuck, so you have to keep sailing forward.
Then you start all over.
You curse the wind, You fight, You pray for the wind.
It is the relentless cycle of life.
Until at the end you sail out for the last time, and never come back.
It's blue skies, and clear sailing.
Inspiration:
Sailing.
Life experiences.
It was a great experience.
Today, though, my dad told me some frightening news.
This hasn't been the best year for our family. There have been a lot of ups and downs, but mostly downs.
I'll just start from the beginning:
In September, everything was going great. I was a normal teenager with normal teenager problems. I pestered my parents for a car, I wanted new clothes, I hung out with my friends.
One particularly boring afternoon, I came home from school and was pilfering through the kitchen for a snack when my dad told me news that made me stop dead in my tracks.
He lost his job.
I think I was in shock. I can't really remember.
While I knew that this wasn't the worst thing that could happen, I knew that with the economy, this was very bad.
He told me first, then my mom.
She sat on the couch, motionless, and stared at the wall for hours. I lost track of time.
I didn't know how to react, really. I was trying to keep a positive attitude. I was thinking that now was his opportunity to make more money.
I am so naive sometimes.
This wouldn't be so bad if this hadn't happened seven years ago. Seven years ago, he also lost his job. Seven years ago is when we moved from where I grew up to here. Seven years ago, my whole life changed.
I couldn't believe that only thing tying us to here was gone. I had no clue what to expect.
I didn't want my whole life to change again. I'm about to be a senior. Do you know how difficult that would be to move at this age?
There was talk of selling the house. Downsizing.
We were blessed that it never came to that point.
We went through three months of relentless and empty job searches.
I was keeping hope, though. I kept faith that God would pull through.
Then, the night of the beauty review, he called me downstairs and with tears in his eyes told me that he got offered a good job.
I cried. I thanked God. I cried some more.
I was so relieved.
He would be taking a major pay cut, but we all expected that.
He got this job right before thanksgiving. We all felt like we had the most to give thanks for.
As our whole family gathered around the makeshift dinner table, we took turns reading a prayer about all we are thankful for. When it came time for my dad to read, it said, "I am thankful for a job that provides."
Here came the tears again.
It was just one of those funny little things that God does to remind us of what He has given us. What He brought us through.
I was so thankful that thanksgiving. I am thankful today of what God continues to bless us with.
While we are so thankful that he got a job, the times are still hard.
The news I got today was that we probably will be selling our house.
I don't know why my dad decided to share this with me, but he also said that if sales don't pick up, He'd be out of another job here soon.
That scares the crap out of me.
I wish that I could be famous and make a lot of money. I would give it all to them so they wouldn't have to worry about a thing.
They could put the three of us kids through college with ease and we could live the good life.
I would never miss that money.
This is a part of life, I guess. Learning to roll with the punches.
Sometimes, though, I feel like Evander Hollyfield and Mike Tyson is just not letting up, man.
Give me a break.
The reason for the tidbit about sailing at the beginning of this was because I can easily compare sailing to life.
You have to start out slow, then you can build and go faster, stronger.
Then, all of sudden you hear the worst noise and realize that the darn boat is stuck.
It literally won't move. You have to lean, and turn, and lean, and turn to get that sucker out.
It takes a lot of patience.
Then, it comes out, but you have to go slow becuase you don't want to get stuck again.
When you're in the clear, open water, you realize you can run.
When you run, it's like you're going faster than the world is spinning.
You're flying through the water effortlessly.
But of course it doesn't last forever.
You slow down because you can see something in the distance.
You can't turn around because that's where you got stuck, so you have to keep sailing forward.
Then you start all over.
You curse the wind, You fight, You pray for the wind.
It is the relentless cycle of life.
Until at the end you sail out for the last time, and never come back.
It's blue skies, and clear sailing.
Inspiration:
Sailing.
Life experiences.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
"and you take a moment
promise me this
that you'll stand by me forever
but if God forbid fate step in
and force us into a goodbye
if you have children someday
when they point to the pictures
please tell them my name
tell them how the crowds went wild
tell them how I hope they shine"
-Taylor Swift
I think about my future sometimes.
I wonder who I'm gonna marry.
What my children will be like.
I wonder about the things I'll choose to tell them.
Will I tell them about the crazy things I did/do with my friends?
I think so, when they're older.
I don't want them to think I'm a square.
I also don't want them to think that I don't understand what they are going through.
Because truthfully, I'm probably going through it all right now.
...Future me telling my children things about present me seems like light years away.
But when I do tell them things about me, I'll be sure to tell them that the crowds went wild.
I'll tell them the names.
And how I had the time of my life fighting dragons with them.
This is just how I was feeling today.
Thanks for reading!
promise me this
that you'll stand by me forever
but if God forbid fate step in
and force us into a goodbye
if you have children someday
when they point to the pictures
please tell them my name
tell them how the crowds went wild
tell them how I hope they shine"
-Taylor Swift
I think about my future sometimes.
I wonder who I'm gonna marry.
What my children will be like.
I wonder about the things I'll choose to tell them.
Will I tell them about the crazy things I did/do with my friends?
I think so, when they're older.
I don't want them to think I'm a square.
I also don't want them to think that I don't understand what they are going through.
Because truthfully, I'm probably going through it all right now.
...Future me telling my children things about present me seems like light years away.
But when I do tell them things about me, I'll be sure to tell them that the crowds went wild.
I'll tell them the names.
And how I had the time of my life fighting dragons with them.
This is just how I was feeling today.
Thanks for reading!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Just a feeling..
I feel: sad, put-together, forgotten, loved, angry, lethargic, nastalgic, hyper, stressed, depressed, strung-out, annoyed, happy.
I have felt all these things in my short life. These are normal human emotions.
Many people feel like happiness is a destination: that one day they'll have everything they dreamed of and be happy.
It isn't; you won't.
From the words of Julian from One Tree Hill: "Happiness is a feeling, an emotion: not a destination."
Happiness is a feeling much like thirst or hunger. It comes and goes. It's okay to feel not great every now and then.
We are always waiting for that one thing (or things) to make us happy. In my case it's that special someone, but happiness isn't going to find us one day and stay.
No one is ever happy all the time.
Things aren't going to make us happy.
We can have great things in our lives and still feel a little miserable.
Miserable is just feeling.
But so is happiness. You can feel happy just like you feel mad, or sad. It's just a feeling.
While happiness is not always the feeling you have, joy can be prevalent.
Joy and happiness are often confused as the same thing. They aren't.
There have been many a day that I didn't feel the least bit happy, but I still had joy in my heart.
Joy is something that lives within you. Something that is put there and stays.
It's that little voice that in the midst of a trial that is whispering that tomorrow will be brighter.
I'm here to say that the only reason for the joy in my heart is Jesus.
He put it there. He gives me my hope. He is the reason I have all that I have.
He gives me joy.
I hope that you can find the joy that I have in Jesus, too.
God bless.
Inspiration:
Jesus Christ,
One Tree Hill, Julian Baker.
I have felt all these things in my short life. These are normal human emotions.
Many people feel like happiness is a destination: that one day they'll have everything they dreamed of and be happy.
It isn't; you won't.
From the words of Julian from One Tree Hill: "Happiness is a feeling, an emotion: not a destination."
Happiness is a feeling much like thirst or hunger. It comes and goes. It's okay to feel not great every now and then.
We are always waiting for that one thing (or things) to make us happy. In my case it's that special someone, but happiness isn't going to find us one day and stay.
No one is ever happy all the time.
Things aren't going to make us happy.
We can have great things in our lives and still feel a little miserable.
Miserable is just feeling.
But so is happiness. You can feel happy just like you feel mad, or sad. It's just a feeling.
While happiness is not always the feeling you have, joy can be prevalent.
Joy and happiness are often confused as the same thing. They aren't.
There have been many a day that I didn't feel the least bit happy, but I still had joy in my heart.
Joy is something that lives within you. Something that is put there and stays.
It's that little voice that in the midst of a trial that is whispering that tomorrow will be brighter.
I'm here to say that the only reason for the joy in my heart is Jesus.
He put it there. He gives me my hope. He is the reason I have all that I have.
He gives me joy.
I hope that you can find the joy that I have in Jesus, too.
God bless.
Inspiration:
Jesus Christ,
One Tree Hill, Julian Baker.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
It's cooler than finding money in my pocket.
Hello Fellow Bloggers.
It's been a while hasn't it?
I've been taken up in a whirlwind.
Don't worry though, I've been thinking about what to write about next.
I was inspired today in my Spanish class.
I decided to take a chance. Do something that I've never done or even thought about until today.
Folks, I've decided to try out for our schools spring musical.
That's right.
It's the Wizard of Oz. I'm going for Dorothy.
I figure it's perfect for me. I mean, I've been practicing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" since I was five. I'm a singer and dancer. It's begging me to try out.
It's like I had and epiphony in the middle of crowded room. I realized that if I don't take a chance of looking like a fool, then I may not amount to much of anything in life.
Because that's what makes a good life, right? Taking risks that may or may not work out.
If it doesn't work, one has an experience they can learn a lesson from. But on the crazy chance that it does, one has something so beautiful. Something that makes a life worth living.
I decided that I wouldn't care if my friends laughed at me. (We aren't exactly the drama type..if there is that "type"). I decided that I don't care if I get the part or not, I tried. That's always worth saying. That you tried.
But I'm thinking that if it does work, it would be the coolest feeling to have accomplished that. To be the lead in the school musical as a rookie.
I want my life to be filled with that cool feeling. I want the experiences that I share to be unbelievable.
So, I'm adding this to my New Years Resolution.
Take some crazy chances.
Maybe even dumb chances. I'm only young once, right?
I've got to have something to laugh with my kids about.
It's starting here and I plan to continue taking chances.
I will not be afraid of people will say. I've never really cared for what they had to say anyway.
I will not hold back words.
I will not spend forever wondering, "what if?".
That is no way to live.
Some of you have been there, taken these risks, seen the beauty, while I am just starting on my journey.
I'd love to hear.
Inspiration:
"It's about a city of Emerald, a yellow-brick road."--Mrs. Williams, Spanish II.
It's been a while hasn't it?
I've been taken up in a whirlwind.
Don't worry though, I've been thinking about what to write about next.
I was inspired today in my Spanish class.
I decided to take a chance. Do something that I've never done or even thought about until today.
Folks, I've decided to try out for our schools spring musical.
That's right.
It's the Wizard of Oz. I'm going for Dorothy.
I figure it's perfect for me. I mean, I've been practicing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" since I was five. I'm a singer and dancer. It's begging me to try out.
It's like I had and epiphony in the middle of crowded room. I realized that if I don't take a chance of looking like a fool, then I may not amount to much of anything in life.
Because that's what makes a good life, right? Taking risks that may or may not work out.
If it doesn't work, one has an experience they can learn a lesson from. But on the crazy chance that it does, one has something so beautiful. Something that makes a life worth living.
I decided that I wouldn't care if my friends laughed at me. (We aren't exactly the drama type..if there is that "type"). I decided that I don't care if I get the part or not, I tried. That's always worth saying. That you tried.
But I'm thinking that if it does work, it would be the coolest feeling to have accomplished that. To be the lead in the school musical as a rookie.
I want my life to be filled with that cool feeling. I want the experiences that I share to be unbelievable.
So, I'm adding this to my New Years Resolution.
Take some crazy chances.
Maybe even dumb chances. I'm only young once, right?
I've got to have something to laugh with my kids about.
It's starting here and I plan to continue taking chances.
I will not be afraid of people will say. I've never really cared for what they had to say anyway.
I will not hold back words.
That is no way to live.
Some of you have been there, taken these risks, seen the beauty, while I am just starting on my journey.
I'd love to hear.
Inspiration:
"It's about a city of Emerald, a yellow-brick road."--Mrs. Williams, Spanish II.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Until next time...
I've been a little out of the blogging realm for the past few days. I feel as if now would be a good time to catch back up. Even if it is 4:40a.m. and any normal teen would be fast asleep.
The reason for the delay is because of the timely event of inclimate weather.
I had not gone to school three days since Christmas break and then they call off this WHOLE week of school. How lucky can I get?
Raise the roof?
Sooo, needless to say, I've spent everyday frolicing with my friends in the snow and having clever little adventures.
I've also had a taste of the lifestyle of the rich and famous. We (my dance team) had our pictures professionally done today for a billboard in town. That's right. We are State Champs. Feels alright, friends, quite alright.
...Due to the mindless play I've been doing, I haven't had much time for thinking.
I think that's dandy because I think too much for a teenager anywhoo.
I promise to be back on here with my nagging thoughts soon.
To those of you who are forced to be working or schooling or whatever, make the best of it!
I'll be back in my regular schedule next week.
Until then...
The reason for the delay is because of the timely event of inclimate weather.
I had not gone to school three days since Christmas break and then they call off this WHOLE week of school. How lucky can I get?
Raise the roof?
Sooo, needless to say, I've spent everyday frolicing with my friends in the snow and having clever little adventures.
I've also had a taste of the lifestyle of the rich and famous. We (my dance team) had our pictures professionally done today for a billboard in town. That's right. We are State Champs. Feels alright, friends, quite alright.
...Due to the mindless play I've been doing, I haven't had much time for thinking.
I think that's dandy because I think too much for a teenager anywhoo.
I promise to be back on here with my nagging thoughts soon.
To those of you who are forced to be working or schooling or whatever, make the best of it!
I'll be back in my regular schedule next week.
Until then...
Sunday, January 9, 2011
All is quiet in the world tonight..
I don't know if any of you have ever experienced the quietness of a snow fall, but it is unlike anything I've ever witnessed.
I just peeped my head out of my front door and saw that my entire slice of the world was covered with perfect white snow.
I stood there and wondered how anything could be going wrong at this moment in time.
Every imperfection on the ground was neatly covered and it all looked so perfect.
All of the mundane sounds we hear everyday are muffled and silenced. It feels like all is quiet in the world tonight.
..and yet, just this morning, I was sitting thinking to myself that things aren't fair.
In church, the point of the lesson was to have faith. It isn't always necessary to know how the end will turn out, or how you're going to get there, but you must have faith that God will see it through.
Our preacher really drove it home with this simple observation. He said, "I can bring myself to have faith that this chair, a chair, will hold me up. And yet, it's hard for people to have faith in God."
How true is that? I mean we trust everyday things, the floor we walk on, our cars, airplanes, the beds we sleep in to perform the task they were made for. Most of the time, we don't even give a second thought as to if it will do as we think it should.
So as I was sitting there listening, I was thinking, yes! So true!
Then, no more than thirty minutes later, I was asking my mom about all these things. Fretting. Worrying. Showing no faith. Surely faith without actions are dead..
She then said something that made me shut up and think. She said, "You know, Anna, we are having faith. We're giving God time to come through before we go and get ahead of Him."
That's gonna be a hard lesson for me to learn.
So here it is: my resolution for 2011. (About three weeks late. I know.)
HAVE FAITH.
Have Faith.
have faith.
When I feel like it's all falling apart, when I'm at the end of the rope, when I'm wondering how I'm going to make it through another day I'm going to have faith in the God who provides.
The God who has shown me time and time again who He is.
The God who promised to never leave me nor forsake me.
I'm simply going to have faith in something bigger than myself.
I feel like this will be the best year yet..
I just peeped my head out of my front door and saw that my entire slice of the world was covered with perfect white snow.
I stood there and wondered how anything could be going wrong at this moment in time.
Every imperfection on the ground was neatly covered and it all looked so perfect.
All of the mundane sounds we hear everyday are muffled and silenced. It feels like all is quiet in the world tonight.
..and yet, just this morning, I was sitting thinking to myself that things aren't fair.
In church, the point of the lesson was to have faith. It isn't always necessary to know how the end will turn out, or how you're going to get there, but you must have faith that God will see it through.
Our preacher really drove it home with this simple observation. He said, "I can bring myself to have faith that this chair, a chair, will hold me up. And yet, it's hard for people to have faith in God."
How true is that? I mean we trust everyday things, the floor we walk on, our cars, airplanes, the beds we sleep in to perform the task they were made for. Most of the time, we don't even give a second thought as to if it will do as we think it should.
So as I was sitting there listening, I was thinking, yes! So true!
Then, no more than thirty minutes later, I was asking my mom about all these things. Fretting. Worrying. Showing no faith. Surely faith without actions are dead..
She then said something that made me shut up and think. She said, "You know, Anna, we are having faith. We're giving God time to come through before we go and get ahead of Him."
That's gonna be a hard lesson for me to learn.
So here it is: my resolution for 2011. (About three weeks late. I know.)
HAVE FAITH.
Have Faith.
have faith.
When I feel like it's all falling apart, when I'm at the end of the rope, when I'm wondering how I'm going to make it through another day I'm going to have faith in the God who provides.
The God who has shown me time and time again who He is.
The God who promised to never leave me nor forsake me.
I'm simply going to have faith in something bigger than myself.
I feel like this will be the best year yet..
Saturday, January 8, 2011
World spins madly on...
Sometimes, when I'm all alone, I think back to other times of my life.
Whether it be the first day of third grade, walking into the halls of highschool for the first time, the summer I fell in love, or the fall when it fell apart. All it takes is a song, or the feel of the sunshine, or a smell to snap me back to those times.
It's amazing to me how we remember things. It only takes one rock to break the dam of memories and they all just come flooding back. Before I know it, I could be rolling with laughter with my sister about our childhood, or sitting silently as cold nostalgia chills me.
Memories are funny in the way they stick together. They come and go together. It's like they are encased in a dam. It usually only takes one rock to break it. When that happens, they all come flooding in.
Lately, I have been reminiscent of the past. I have been having these random thoughts pop into my head. That random thought is the rock that breaks the dam.
Maybe it's because it's the same time as all those memories happened. All I know is it's not the memories that make me laugh. I haven't even been singing with the radio today (extremely rare occurance).
So why is it that I should let these memories dictate who I am today?
Is it because I haven't found someone to take the place or to make me feel the same? Probably.
I'm learning to do things on my own, though. Proving that I don't need the person who let me down so badly. Saying to myself, and others that I can be independent.
..but mostly not letting myself get hurt again.
It's easier to not love and not get hurt. But with not loving comes not living.
You can't have your cake and eat it too.
For a good while, I forbade myself to think certain thoughts or remember things. I was so afraid of those memories because of the pain they brought with them. I lived a half life and I was a shell of a person.
As the days slowly ticked by, I became more and more human again. Little by little. I was letting me be me. I stopped being so aftraid of all those memories because I realized they make me who I am.
Somewhere along the way, I realized that no matter how badly my heart was broken, the world would continue to spin madly on.
Point: Don't be afraid of bad memories. Don't dwell on them, but don't fear them. It's called the past for a reason. We can be healed by the present. We move on and the world seems that it is how it should be.
Sometimes the best ending of a love story is not the prince and princess riding off into the sunset, it's being able to move on. Being able to love again.
Inspiration: "Making Plans" by Miranda Lambert. Hence why a song can bring back memories.
Whether it be the first day of third grade, walking into the halls of highschool for the first time, the summer I fell in love, or the fall when it fell apart. All it takes is a song, or the feel of the sunshine, or a smell to snap me back to those times.
It's amazing to me how we remember things. It only takes one rock to break the dam of memories and they all just come flooding back. Before I know it, I could be rolling with laughter with my sister about our childhood, or sitting silently as cold nostalgia chills me.
Memories are funny in the way they stick together. They come and go together. It's like they are encased in a dam. It usually only takes one rock to break it. When that happens, they all come flooding in.
Lately, I have been reminiscent of the past. I have been having these random thoughts pop into my head. That random thought is the rock that breaks the dam.
Maybe it's because it's the same time as all those memories happened. All I know is it's not the memories that make me laugh. I haven't even been singing with the radio today (extremely rare occurance).
So why is it that I should let these memories dictate who I am today?
Is it because I haven't found someone to take the place or to make me feel the same? Probably.
I'm learning to do things on my own, though. Proving that I don't need the person who let me down so badly. Saying to myself, and others that I can be independent.
..but mostly not letting myself get hurt again.
It's easier to not love and not get hurt. But with not loving comes not living.
You can't have your cake and eat it too.
For a good while, I forbade myself to think certain thoughts or remember things. I was so afraid of those memories because of the pain they brought with them. I lived a half life and I was a shell of a person.
As the days slowly ticked by, I became more and more human again. Little by little. I was letting me be me. I stopped being so aftraid of all those memories because I realized they make me who I am.
Somewhere along the way, I realized that no matter how badly my heart was broken, the world would continue to spin madly on.
Point: Don't be afraid of bad memories. Don't dwell on them, but don't fear them. It's called the past for a reason. We can be healed by the present. We move on and the world seems that it is how it should be.
Sometimes the best ending of a love story is not the prince and princess riding off into the sunset, it's being able to move on. Being able to love again.
Inspiration: "Making Plans" by Miranda Lambert. Hence why a song can bring back memories.
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