My name is Anna..

Facts about me:

1. I like instrumentals. It's what puts me to sleep every night.
2. Every time I bake, I burn something. Including icing.
3. When things are going wrong, I run. Literally.
4. Sade is my go to "chill" music.
5. I deleted facebook.
6. I love my mother.
7. I make lists for everything.
8. I wish on 11:11 knowing it'll never come true.
9. I'm the youngest.
10. I'm a perpetually happy person.
11. I'm forgiven.
12. I'm a dancer.
13. This is my favorite number.
14. I want to save the world, or at least my slice of it.
15. I look up to my big brother.
16. My socks never match.
17. I want to marry rich.
18. Because I love to shop :)
19. My favorite color is purple.
20. I want a pet pig.

This is a random list of random facts about me.

p.s. Sorry for not blogging.

I'm here,
Thanks for reading.
Nice to meet you :)

Not Worth It.

I don't know what I'm about to say..
I just need to say something.
I need to say anything to get my mind off of this.

I don't know who I am.
I know who I was.
I know who I should be.
And who I want to be.
But who I AM?

No idea.


I feel lost.
Not alone.
But lost.

There are so many things bouncin' around in my head right now.
So many options, answers, scalding memories, red-hot flashbacks.

I don't like it.
I want to be me again.

I'm here somewhere, right?
I have to be.

I'm ranting and not making any sort of sense.
For that I am sorry.

You don't even have to read this, really.
It's probably not worth the five minutes it took me to write it.

I need honesty.
Stability.
Me.

I need You.

But somewhere along the way, I lost You too.
I'm sorry.
I miss You more than I miss me.

Because without You, there is no me.

Without You, there is no meaning.

Bring me back to that familiar place of forgiveness and grace.

I can't do this myself.

When I'm good, I'm good..But when I'm bad I'm better

I haven't had much time to be inspired lately.

Between school and dance, and friends, and the weekend?
NO time at all.

Someone once said; it's the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have the time..

NOT that I'm a bad girl..
but that quote is soo true..

I can't be that bad if I have time to blog twice a month, right?

I'm a highschooler. With highschool friends. And college friends.
I have a little rebellious streak in me..

And you wanna know what else?
I'm having the time of my life!

That's what being young is for, right?

Doing things that you'd NEVER tell your kids about.
..and beat their ass if you knew what they were up to.

I love friends.
I love weekends.
I hate school.

I'll stop someday. It'll get old. I know it will.

But right now?

..nahhh.

"I'm having the time of my life figuring out this next move."
-John Mayer.

I'm still the same person, though.
Underneath all this nonsense.

It just feels good to let go a little bit, you know?

I've been this one person for my whole life, the good child.
The one who saw my brother and sister mess up and got the grief for it.

..and now, I just want to not think for a little while.

But don't worry! I'm still making wise choices!
All this foolishness hasn't messed up my judgement.

Thanks for listening!

Tell me about your rebellious days! and how you ever made it through them?

Love you all!

Hide it under a bushel..NO

Where's my soapbox? I'm about to get on it.

Perfection.

We've all heard the saying that "no one is perfect"

Which I'm here to say is true.

I'll be the first to say that.
I won't deny the worst thing you have to say about me.

No one person, is perfect. Especially in actions.
We mess up and we fall down. Sometimes we jump.. on purpose.. because it's fun.

Yes.

But what really bothers me is when someone thinks that they aren't worth something.

When they throw themselves away because they aren't good enough.

Nobody is perfect.
But I'm here to say that God doesn't make junk. You ARE the World's Greatest.

We were fearfully and wonderfully made.
He knows the number of HAIRS on our head.
I'm just wondering why anyone would want to know that about someone who didn't matter.
You're right. They wouldn't. YOU matter.

We all make mistakes, but there is forgiveness.
It's not over.

Bad decison? That's alright
Welcome to my silly life.

Pretty Pretty please don't you ever feel like your less than perfect.

I think every single one of us have a light that needs to be shown.

We all have something inspirational to contribute to this planet earth.
Hide it under a bushel..NO!
I'm gonna let it shine!


Inspiration:
Katy Perry- Firework
Claudetter Miller-10th grade english teacher.



P!NK- Perfect

Oh, the things I've learned!

Sometimes, I get in a slump.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

I learned that from Dr. Seuss.

I have learned a whole lot from that man.
Some of my greatest life lessons.

Like who I am. I am me, that is truer than true.

Where my brains and feet are.
"you have brains in your head. you have feet in your shoes"

To have your eggs and ham green is the only good way to eat breakfast.

No matter how small, a person is a person.

I will succeed! Its 98 3/4% guaranteed.

We have to speak for the things that can't speak for themselves.
"I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues."

Mean what you say, and say what you mean.

When I'm feeling down or confused,
Sometimes I pick up a Dr. Suess book.

It's so simple, children understand it.
Yet, there is knowledge in there to take me through life.

My favorite of the moment is Oh, The Places You'll Go!
I feel like since I'm about to be on my way,
I'll be on my way. I'll be the one to decide where to go.
I'll need this advice to help get me through some of the hard times.

I want to move mountains.
This book has a 98 3/4% success rate.
That's pretty darn high.

It tells me that there will be times when I'm on top of the world,
and I'll soar far and above everyone else.

Then it tells me that there will be days and times that I'm at the very bottom.
I'll be scared and have no hope or direction.

It also tells me to hold on, because I'll get to the place I'm looking for.

I'll make it alright.

I will move mountains.

Thank you Dr. Seuss.

You have inspired many.
Mostly me.

I swim for brighter days despite the absence of sun.

For thanksgiving this year, my family and I traveled over to Houston, Texas to visit my uncle and his family.  They are sailors and decided that they wanted us to experience sailing.  So, in 30 degree weather, 13 of us trekked down to the nearest body of water, hopped on a boat and went sailing.
It was a great experience.

Today, though, my dad told me some frightening news. 
This hasn't been the best year for our family.  There have been a lot of ups and downs, but mostly downs.

I'll just start from the beginning:
In September, everything was going great.  I was a normal teenager with normal teenager problems.  I pestered my parents for a car, I wanted new clothes, I hung out with my friends. 
One particularly boring afternoon, I came home from school and was pilfering through the kitchen for a snack when my dad told me news that made me stop dead in my tracks. 
He lost his job.

I think I was in shock.  I can't really remember.
While I knew that this wasn't the worst thing that could happen, I knew that with the economy, this was very bad.

He told me first, then my mom.
She sat on the couch, motionless, and stared at the wall for hours.  I lost track of time.

I didn't know how to react, really.  I was trying to keep a positive attitude.  I was thinking that now was his opportunity to make more money. 
I am so naive sometimes. 

This wouldn't be so bad if this hadn't happened seven years ago.  Seven years ago, he also lost his job.  Seven years ago is when we moved from where I grew up to here.  Seven years ago, my whole life changed.
I couldn't believe that only thing tying us to here was gone.  I had no clue what to expect. 
I didn't want my whole life to change again.  I'm about to be a senior.  Do you know how difficult that would be to move at this age?

There was talk of selling the house.  Downsizing. 
We were blessed that it never came to that point.

We went through three months of relentless and empty job searches. 
I was keeping hope, though. I kept faith that God would pull through.

Then, the night of the beauty review, he called me downstairs and with tears in his eyes told me that he got offered a good job. 
I cried. I thanked God. I cried some more.
I was so relieved. 

He would be taking a major pay cut, but we all expected that. 
He got this job right before thanksgiving.  We all felt like we had the most to give thanks for.

As our whole family gathered around the makeshift dinner table, we took turns reading a prayer about all we are thankful for.  When it came time for my dad to read, it said, "I am thankful for a job that provides."

Here came the tears again.
It was just one of those funny little things that God does to remind us of what He has given us.  What He brought us through.

I was so thankful that thanksgiving.  I am thankful today of what God continues to bless us with.

While we are so thankful that he got a job, the times are still hard.
The news I got today was that we probably will be selling our house.
I don't know why my dad decided to share this with me, but he also said that if sales don't pick up, He'd be out of another job here soon.

That scares the crap out of me.

I wish that I could be famous and make a lot of money.  I would give it all to them so they wouldn't have to worry about a thing.
They could put the three of us kids through college with ease and we could live the good life.
I would never miss that money.

This is a part of life, I guess.  Learning to roll with the punches. 
Sometimes, though, I feel like Evander Hollyfield and Mike Tyson is just not letting up, man.

Give me a break.

The reason for the tidbit about sailing at the beginning of this was because I can easily compare sailing to life.

You have to start out slow, then you can build and go faster, stronger.
Then, all of sudden you hear the worst noise and realize that the darn boat is stuck.
It literally won't move.  You have to lean, and turn, and lean, and turn to get that sucker out. 
It takes a lot of patience.
Then, it comes out, but you have to go slow becuase you don't want to get stuck again.
When you're in the clear, open water, you realize you can run.
When you run, it's like you're going faster than the world is spinning. 
You're flying through the water effortlessly.
But of course it doesn't last forever.
You slow down because you can see something in the distance.
You can't turn around because that's where you got stuck, so you have to keep sailing forward.
Then you start all over.  
You curse the wind, You fight, You pray for the wind.
It is the relentless cycle of life.
Until at the end you sail out for the last time, and never come back. 
It's blue skies, and clear sailing.

Inspiration:
Sailing.
Life experiences.

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

"and you take a moment
promise me this
that you'll stand by me forever
but if God forbid fate step in

and force us into a goodbye
if you have children someday
when they point to the pictures
please tell them my name

tell them how the crowds went wild
tell them how I hope they shine"
-Taylor Swift

I think about my future sometimes.
I wonder who I'm gonna marry.
What my children will be like.

I wonder about the things I'll choose to tell them.

Will I tell them about the crazy things I did/do with my friends? 
I think so, when they're older.
I don't want them to think I'm a square.

I also don't want them to think that I don't understand what they are going through.
Because truthfully, I'm probably going through it all right now.

...Future me telling my children things about present me seems like light years away.

But when I do tell them things about me, I'll be sure to tell them that the crowds went wild.

I'll tell them the names.
And how I had the time of my life fighting dragons with them.

This is just how I was feeling today.

Thanks for reading!

Just a feeling..

I feel:  sad, put-together, forgotten, loved, angry, lethargic, nastalgic, hyper, stressed, depressed, strung-out, annoyed, happy.

I have felt all these things in my short life.  These are normal human emotions.
Many people feel like happiness is a destination:  that one day they'll have everything they dreamed of and be happy.

It isn't; you won't.
From the words of Julian from One Tree Hill:  "Happiness is a feeling, an emotion: not a destination."

Happiness is a feeling much like thirst or hunger.  It comes and goes.  It's okay to feel not great every now and then.
We are always waiting for that one thing (or things) to make us happy.  In my case it's that special someone, but happiness isn't going to find us one day and stay.
No one is ever happy all the time.
Things aren't going to make us happy.
We can have great things in our lives and still feel a little miserable.
Miserable is just feeling.
But so is happiness.  You can feel happy just like you feel mad, or sad.  It's just a feeling.

While happiness is not always the feeling you have, joy can be prevalent.
Joy and happiness are often confused as the same thing.  They aren't.
There have been many a day that I didn't feel the least bit happy, but I still had joy in my heart.
Joy is something that lives within you.  Something that is put there and stays.
It's that little voice that in the midst of a trial that is whispering that tomorrow will be brighter.

I'm here to say that the only reason for the joy in my heart is Jesus.
He put it there.  He gives me my hope.  He is the reason I have all that I have.

He gives me joy.
I hope that you can find the joy that I have in Jesus, too.

God bless.

Inspiration:
Jesus Christ,
One Tree Hill, Julian Baker.

It's cooler than finding money in my pocket.

Hello Fellow Bloggers.
It's been a while hasn't it?

I've been taken up in a whirlwind.
Don't worry though, I've been thinking about what to write about next.

I was inspired today in my Spanish class.
I decided to take a chance.  Do something that I've never done or even thought about until today.

Folks, I've decided to try out for our schools spring musical.
That's right.
It's the Wizard of Oz.  I'm going for Dorothy.

I figure it's perfect for me. I mean, I've been practicing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" since I was five.  I'm a singer and dancer.  It's begging me to try out.

It's like I had and epiphony in the middle of crowded room.  I realized that if I don't take a chance of looking like a fool, then I may not amount to much of anything in life.

Because that's what makes a good life, right?  Taking risks that may or may not work out.
If it doesn't work, one has an experience they can learn a lesson from.  But on the crazy chance that it does, one has something so beautiful.  Something that makes a life worth living.

I decided that I wouldn't care if my friends laughed at me.  (We aren't exactly the drama type..if there is that "type").  I decided that I don't care if I get the part or not, I tried.  That's always worth saying. That you tried.
But I'm thinking that if it does work, it would be the coolest feeling to have accomplished that.  To be the lead in the school musical as a rookie.  

I want my life to be filled with that cool feeling.  I want the experiences that I share to be unbelievable.

So, I'm adding this to my New Years Resolution. 
Take some crazy chances. 
Maybe even dumb chances.  I'm only young once, right?
I've got to have something to laugh with my kids about.

It's starting here and I plan to continue taking chances. 

I will not be afraid of people will say.  I've never really cared for what they had to say anyway.

I will not hold back words. 
I will not spend forever wondering, "what if?".
That is no way to live.

Some of you have been there, taken these risks, seen the beauty, while I am just starting on my journey. 
I'd love to hear.

Inspiration:
"It's about a city of Emerald, a yellow-brick road."--Mrs. Williams, Spanish II.

Until next time...

I've been a little out of the blogging realm for the past few days.  I feel as if now would be a good time to catch back up.  Even if it is 4:40a.m. and any normal teen would be fast asleep.

The reason for the delay is because of the timely event of inclimate weather.
I had not gone to school three days since Christmas break and then they call off this WHOLE week of school.  How lucky can I get?
Raise the roof?

Sooo, needless to say, I've spent everyday frolicing with my friends in the snow and having clever little adventures. 
I've also had a taste of the lifestyle of the rich and famous.  We (my dance team) had our pictures professionally done today for a billboard in town.  That's right. We are State Champs.  Feels alright, friends, quite alright.

...Due to the mindless play I've been doing, I haven't had much time for thinking.
I think that's dandy because I think too much for a teenager anywhoo. 

I promise to be back on here with my nagging thoughts soon. 

To those of you who are forced to be working or schooling or whatever, make the best of it!
I'll be back in my regular schedule next week.

Until then...