Not Worth It.

I don't know what I'm about to say..
I just need to say something.
I need to say anything to get my mind off of this.

I don't know who I am.
I know who I was.
I know who I should be.
And who I want to be.
But who I AM?

No idea.


I feel lost.
Not alone.
But lost.

There are so many things bouncin' around in my head right now.
So many options, answers, scalding memories, red-hot flashbacks.

I don't like it.
I want to be me again.

I'm here somewhere, right?
I have to be.

I'm ranting and not making any sort of sense.
For that I am sorry.

You don't even have to read this, really.
It's probably not worth the five minutes it took me to write it.

I need honesty.
Stability.
Me.

I need You.

But somewhere along the way, I lost You too.
I'm sorry.
I miss You more than I miss me.

Because without You, there is no me.

Without You, there is no meaning.

Bring me back to that familiar place of forgiveness and grace.

I can't do this myself.

When I'm good, I'm good..But when I'm bad I'm better

I haven't had much time to be inspired lately.

Between school and dance, and friends, and the weekend?
NO time at all.

Someone once said; it's the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have the time..

NOT that I'm a bad girl..
but that quote is soo true..

I can't be that bad if I have time to blog twice a month, right?

I'm a highschooler. With highschool friends. And college friends.
I have a little rebellious streak in me..

And you wanna know what else?
I'm having the time of my life!

That's what being young is for, right?

Doing things that you'd NEVER tell your kids about.
..and beat their ass if you knew what they were up to.

I love friends.
I love weekends.
I hate school.

I'll stop someday. It'll get old. I know it will.

But right now?

..nahhh.

"I'm having the time of my life figuring out this next move."
-John Mayer.

I'm still the same person, though.
Underneath all this nonsense.

It just feels good to let go a little bit, you know?

I've been this one person for my whole life, the good child.
The one who saw my brother and sister mess up and got the grief for it.

..and now, I just want to not think for a little while.

But don't worry! I'm still making wise choices!
All this foolishness hasn't messed up my judgement.

Thanks for listening!

Tell me about your rebellious days! and how you ever made it through them?

Love you all!