Not Worth It.

I don't know what I'm about to say..
I just need to say something.
I need to say anything to get my mind off of this.

I don't know who I am.
I know who I was.
I know who I should be.
And who I want to be.
But who I AM?

No idea.


I feel lost.
Not alone.
But lost.

There are so many things bouncin' around in my head right now.
So many options, answers, scalding memories, red-hot flashbacks.

I don't like it.
I want to be me again.

I'm here somewhere, right?
I have to be.

I'm ranting and not making any sort of sense.
For that I am sorry.

You don't even have to read this, really.
It's probably not worth the five minutes it took me to write it.

I need honesty.
Stability.
Me.

I need You.

But somewhere along the way, I lost You too.
I'm sorry.
I miss You more than I miss me.

Because without You, there is no me.

Without You, there is no meaning.

Bring me back to that familiar place of forgiveness and grace.

I can't do this myself.