If at first you don't succeed.. maybe it wasn't meant to be?

Have you ever wanted something so bad
that you fought,
through blood and tears,
through rain and shine
to get it?

And no matter what kind of effort was poured in,
the outcome never went the way that was planned,
or hoped for,
or prayed for.

I have.
I wondered for so long,
and fought with myself
about if I had worked harder.
Tried one more time..
Maybe it would have worked out.

But it wouldn't have.

And somewhere down the road, i understood why it didn't work out.
and I breathe a sigh of relief that things didn't go my way.
Because there was something better down the road.
Something I could never have planned.
Things have a way of working out that way.

I was reminded of this the other day.

And I had the stongest urge to call what I once hoped for.

I imagined the conversation going a little something like this (its a monologue):
"HI, remember me? Thought so. How's life? OH, not so good? Okay. Mine's great. No, It didn't go how I planned, but since when does anything go that way? Because if it had, I would have missed out on now.  The most important part of the future. I know you wish that I was still over here pining for what could have been, but truth be told, I haven't though about you in quite a while. I don't miss you. Nice talk. Byeee."

If only, if only.


I love moments like those.
Those times all you can say is, "Ohhh".
Because you realize something that was so confusing at one point.

It's a good moment.

:)