Sometimes, when I'm all alone, I think back to other times of my life.
Whether it be the first day of third grade, walking into the halls of highschool for the first time, the summer I fell in love, or the fall when it fell apart. All it takes is a song, or the feel of the sunshine, or a smell to snap me back to those times.
It's amazing to me how we remember things. It only takes one rock to break the dam of memories and they all just come flooding back. Before I know it, I could be rolling with laughter with my sister about our childhood, or sitting silently as cold nostalgia chills me.
Memories are funny in the way they stick together. They come and go together. It's like they are encased in a dam. It usually only takes one rock to break it. When that happens, they all come flooding in.
Lately, I have been reminiscent of the past. I have been having these random thoughts pop into my head. That random thought is the rock that breaks the dam.
Maybe it's because it's the same time as all those memories happened. All I know is it's not the memories that make me laugh. I haven't even been singing with the radio today (extremely rare occurance).
So why is it that I should let these memories dictate who I am today?
Is it because I haven't found someone to take the place or to make me feel the same? Probably.
I'm learning to do things on my own, though. Proving that I don't need the person who let me down so badly. Saying to myself, and others that I can be independent.
..but mostly not letting myself get hurt again.
It's easier to not love and not get hurt. But with not loving comes not living.
You can't have your cake and eat it too.
For a good while, I forbade myself to think certain thoughts or remember things. I was so afraid of those memories because of the pain they brought with them. I lived a half life and I was a shell of a person.
As the days slowly ticked by, I became more and more human again. Little by little. I was letting me be me. I stopped being so aftraid of all those memories because I realized they make me who I am.
Somewhere along the way, I realized that no matter how badly my heart was broken, the world would continue to spin madly on.
Point: Don't be afraid of bad memories. Don't dwell on them, but don't fear them. It's called the past for a reason. We can be healed by the present. We move on and the world seems that it is how it should be.
Sometimes the best ending of a love story is not the prince and princess riding off into the sunset, it's being able to move on. Being able to love again.
Inspiration: "Making Plans" by Miranda Lambert. Hence why a song can bring back memories.
4 comments:
We are shaped by our experiences, honed by our successes and blunted by our failures.
Every decision, every passion, every bout of despair becomes part of the pupae-case from which our adult-self emerges.
Memories are always part of that too, but you will find that the memories will become tainted over the years. Heartbreaks will be remembered as more severe, pleasures as being more pleasurable and joys as being more joyful.
The more difficult memories ... the ones in which we suffered most ... will be diluted or, with time, forgotten as your 'mental armour' becomes thicker and your outlook on life, and your perception of it, changes.
You will face a million hardships, disappointments, joyous occasions on your way to old age and form memories from all of them ... good and bad ... but you will learn to cope with all of them ... probably by writing them here, in you blog.
WOW - how old are you? Very insightful and beautifully written.
I couldn't have said it any better. The heartaches and pains are what shape us into stronger, resistent and very independent people. It's a normal part of life. How you deal with it is what separates the strong from the weak. Love your blog young lady!!!
I tend to only remember the good things and then get tied up into that. Memories can be either wonderful or terrible and sometimes it is hard to keep them under control.
Thank you for posting. Beautiful.
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