Thursday, June 30, 2011

Some mad hope,, or something like that.

I've always given more of myself than I've really ever been able to.

I've never felt like it was enough to offer just myself and leave it at that.

So, I'm on a quest.
To be my absolute best.
by myself.

Nothing added,
Nothing taken away.

I think the reason why I've always done this,
is because I have this perfect best friend.

Guys are in love with her before they ever even acknowledge my existence.

I've never felt pretty enough.
Or funny enough.
or thin enough.
My feet have always been too big.
and my hair never just right.

I've always just been the smart, goofy, lopey girl.

And I don't know if this is how others see me.
And most the time I try to put on a confident front
like nothing shakes me.

But every little jab that someone makes
cuts a little deeper.

And I know they may be just kidding.
But in my mind there's truth behind every "just kidding".
And a lie behind every "I'm fine".

I just want to find the one person
who looks at me first
and thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.

Someone who can make me laugh at my imperfections.

But, like I said, I'm on a quest to be the best me.

So, in the meanwhile, I guess I'll have to do that on my own.

Learn to laugh at the things that make me want to cry.
Or put a paper bag over my head.

I have to stand tall, with my chin up.

I have to remember that I'm only a teenager
and one day,
I'm gonna look back and maybe laugh, maybe not,
at the way I feel at this point.
But I know I'll remember this feeling when I'm older,
and I see a tall teenage girl
who's laughing and having fun with her friends.

Because behind that laugh might be the way I feel.

But regardless of how I'll perceive this when I'm older,
I can guarantee it'll just be rememberance,
because the way I feel will pass.



Won't it?

3 comments:

Bouncin' Barb said...

There is nothing more beautiful than self confidence. Be yourself and don't worry about anything. You'll be surprised at how many people truly appreciate that over pretty faces. Just be genuine when you smile and laugh. It always leaves a lasting impression.

Symdaddy said...

Self confidence only comes when you stop glossing over the cracks of your own imperfections. Accepting yourself for what you are and all your failings is the first step to allowing yourself to shine.

You will get there.

maya said...

beautiful text